Sometimes, in order to resolve to do in the future, you need to be knocked over by the things revealed to you in your right now.

Things revealed to me this year.

1. I like sugar waaaaaaaaay too much. Not quite sure what I am going to resolve to do about it just yet. It may involve Lent in some way. It’s that serious. I don’t think a simple resolution is going to do it. Religion is going to have to be involved. (p.s. Imma need loads of encouragement on this one. It’s my cigarette) The irony here, is that I plan to spend New Years Eve teaching my kids how to make s’mores over an open fire.

2. I tend to be a slave to my own agenda. Now, don’t think this makes me organized, because I am not. It just means that if I want to do something, then “katy bar the door” I’m going to do it and often there are little ones that need me to readjust my fervency toward my goal.

3. I am totally useless when it comes to organizing my money. I have known this for way longer than I am letting on. I’m thrifty.  I don’t overspend. I just have no idea what is going on with it because I’m terrible at keeping track of it. I tend to let it intimidate me.  It’s high time I intimidate it!

4.I often have great ideas and very little follow through. This needs to change in a big way. This blog is a perfect example. I have said over and over I want to become a serious blogger, yet, I only sit down and post once a month if that.  If writing is what I want to do, then I need to exercise that muscle. I have tons of plans and ideas for this venture, it’s time to roll them out. Now I realize this seems to contradict #2. Call me schizo. I have a serious list of things I need to finish.

There are other types of revelations too. This is one of the  positive things I figured out this year.

Fear.

I know, it doesn’t sound very positive. Read on.

While I don’t think any of us will ever be totally free of fear, I was able to put a big dent in my list of fears this year. Truly being settled with the ideas (mantras) of  “perfect love casts out fear” and “there is nothing to fear, but fear itself”.  Perfect love brought me through the fear of another home birth “failure”. I use the word failure lightly. I don’t truly think I failed in any of my births, but I did not have the births I had hoped for with the first two. There were awesome lessons to be learned in them though, and those lessons that God was teaching me was rewarded with the most awesome home birth experience with my third child. An experience I feel so blessed to be able to share with other mamas that need to hear it from time to time.

I was so serious about fear not entering my house during the birth, I wrote it on the window panes of my front door (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)…along with these on other panes…

Now, look at the joy that comes with no fear.

This was taken immediately after the delivery of Johnny. That is him all wrapped up in that towel.

I realize there is joy in nearly every birth. For me there was amazing grace in this particular joy.

“Grace that taught my heart to fear and grace my fears relieved.”

The learning that came with this was learned well. I can apply this release of fear to so many areas of my unpredictable life.

I still fear cockroaches though.

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