Balance…

…is it really all it’s cracked up to be?

I’ve been thinking on this ever since I gave birth for the first time. That’s when all this talk of balance began.

How to balance work and motherhood. (read all the books)

How to balance being a mother and wife. (took all the bible studies I could sign up for)

How to balance all the things on your checklist. (I was highly “effective” and had the planner to prove it)

Then came kid number two, the one we lovingly refer to as “Mobil Entropy Unit 2”.

And the scales began to tip and I started rethinking this balance thing.

Balance. Meaning the scales had to be even, …right?

Was my family really supposed to carry as much weight as my career did?

That was balance?

A kid that won’t sleep for the first two years of his life will make you start thinking crazy, and he will give you plenty of time in the night to do it. When you go for so many nights with out a good sleep and you can’t do anything about it…you can barely begin to see the ability to control balance for what it really is, an illusion.

The end of my  (already diminishing) career was about imbalance. I was forced to decided between family (both physical and faith) or a 4 hour afternoon of selling mammon.  There was no way to make the scales break even. I had to CHOOSE to tip the scales that day.

Full on motherhood brought new balance issues.

I had to balance me time and mommy time. Daddy time and kid time. God and I time.

I had to balance all those activities I was in charge of so I would feel balanced as a woman since I no longer was balancing a career.

Then came the news that kid number 3 was on his way, and I began to think I was suffering some sort of a short term “chemical imbalance”.

I was balancing ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!

So I purposely became very imbalanced in my prayer life. The scales became very weighty on that side. And you know what happened? Peace.

I quit trying to balance interior design with warmth and heart in my home. I began to write scripture on all my windows and dared the neighbors to care. I didn’t fear being that “crazy neighbor”. And you know what happened? Comfort.

When it came to saying “yes” and “no” to busyness during this time of my life, I began to let the “no’s” weigh more. And you won’t believe what I found. Rest.

I realized I was chemically imbalanced…in a good way. There was more happy than there was sad.

I began to realize that the movers and shakers, they aren’t balanced at all. They are sold out to their passions, be it good or bad, and they are the ones that change things.

I want to change things.

Then,

just this week, over tea, my husband ( I like to call him Mr. H.O.T.T., head of the table)…brilliant man that he is spun my perception once again. What if, we balance each other?

Whoa! right?

…how often do we let others help us achieve balance that we think we need so much.

never.

We believe the lie that we are

meant,

supposed,

expected,

and even can do it on our own.

And we let it wreck us and depress us.

I realized with the hearing of my husband’s wise question, that part of the Joy I found last year, came from the balance of friends and family that carried me through hard times. God ordained relationships to bring that balance back to my life.

Relationships that tipped the scales toward Him once again.

Here’s the trick though. I had to let them.

There was me way over on one side of the scales trying to cope and balance all by myself those first few days.

And then my friends and family way over on the other side….until I nodded and they all came rushing over…(I smile here)

…to once again make me perfectly imbalanced.